where did we come from, why are we here, where are we going?

Correspondence between me and my auntie ____ (9 feb. 2009).

From my auntie:

Markii, I was thinking about you over the week end.  I have 3 questions I’d like to ask you and am looking forward to hearing from you!

One.  With your new knowledge I was wondering
.  What do you believe you were doing or where were you before your sojourn on earth.

2.  What is your purpose on earth?

3.  Where do you believe or think the human race will go when we die?

Thanks  love you so much.  Auntie ____

My response…

thanks for the e-mail, ____.  i’ll do my best to answer below…

One.  With your new knowledge I was wondering
.  What do you believe you were doing or where were you before your sojourn on earth.

that’s a great question!  many people have tried to solve it, but i think it’s unsolvable.  i do not know where i was before my sojourn to earth.  i don’t know if i even “was”, or existed.  it is possible that our consciousness we now enjoy only recently matured and came to be as our minds physically developed during childhood.  i find this to sound more plausible than the idea that we are hundreds or thousands of years old human beings with that many years of learning and education behind us and yet here we only know that which we learn here.  is our older and wiser self sitting dormant in our mind while the two-year old biological self now learns to eat food and drools applesauce out of his mouth/nose?  and a middle-aged person who was mentally fine can have a car accident or disease in the brain and lose many motor and thinking skills, and many times even having a complete change in their personality and habits [click link to left, and ‘save as’, to hear mp3 on this] as a result?  a car accident or mental disease affects the tissue and neurons in the brain which then change how a thousand year-old sentient behaves/acts?  to me it seems more logical that there is a machine, but no “ghost in the machine”.

thanksgiving heretic

this question was posed on the skepchic blog:

When you spend time with your family (direct or distant) for the holidays, do you have to temporarily change anything about yourself, skeptical, religious or otherwise?  Do you find yourself acting differently either for the sake of harmony or simply because that’s how you’ve always related to them (no pun intended)?  Is that good or bad?

yesterday was thanksgiving, and thus i was around much of my family. running late for dinner, i threw on a shirt out the door we fly to mom and dad’s.

i did not read what was written on my random shirt, however:

Rebel of Faith

it’s a cool-looking t.- a slim-you-down black, painted with those ruby-red heretic words. problem is, the ruby red caught everyone’s eyes. first was my dear 80-year old mormon grandmother’s. her eyes were better than i had imagined: “rebel of faith?”, she inquired.

“yes, it means rebel FOR faith”. i quickly responded. i was lying, and i was proud of my apostasy, but not to my grandma. not when she has lived a long life FOR faith. so deep was her belief in her holy fairy tale for all of these years that the very neurons and connections in her mind can never again be unwoven. critical thinking and skepticism will not squeeze through the plaque and cholesterol polluting her mind’s neural tubes.

it’s over. SHE’s almost over. i say go with the flow. leave her happy. let her leave happy. when i noticed i had an extra shirt in the car, i changed it for her. and by the look on my mom’s face, i could see she felt relieved as well.

it was just a random shirt from my closet, without any agenda meant by me. i am proud of my heresy, and proud to be a “rebel of faith”, but thanksgiving this year was of a much higher quality leaving religion aside and focusing on family.

[here are some great links on thanksgiving]:

• a secular astronomer’s asks ‘to whom should we give thanks?
• Give thanks to science!  how science made turkeys huge!
• Author of Parenting Beyond Belief’s shares a cool story from his inbox
• pz myers sounds off
• how stuff works podcast: thanksgiving
• basted awesomeness:  froggy’s succulent thanksgiving recipes!  pt. 1 pt. 2

gay parenting

hurray for an obama campaign.  boo to the propositions that were passed in a few states taking away the rights of same-sex couples.  today i watched 30 Days (with Morgan Spurlock).  the episode was on same-sex parents.   it can be watched on hulu or you can google elsewhere to find the episode.  i had to write this quick post because i never cry (very rarely, at least), but tears streamed down my cheeks several times as i watched this.  i cried when i saw how loving the two fathers were with their kids.  i cried when i contemplated people wanting to take away their right to parent.  i cried when i saw one of their younger kids brushing his teeth and it made me sad to think some would have him taken away from them.  i cried when i saw this woman (who was living in their home and against gay adoption rights) as her mind was torn left and right in order to deal with the cognitive dissonance caused by seeing these great parents.  i cried when i saw two adults who were raised in foster homes, as they showed what it was like to live in that environment and how much they would have loved to have had a home, even a gay home, to call home.  i cried when i realized what a noble thing these two men were doing as they adopted special needs kids and others without a home to go to.  i cried when i contemplated the millions of people that voted in favor of taking away gay rights.  there are far too many foster kids as it is now, and if gays cannot adopt that will only increase the number of kids who may never, ever have a home.  that saddens my soul and sickens my stomach.  i also cried as i saw this woman never change her beliefs even though she wanted to. she wanted to.  but she couldn’t go against her faith as it had been taught to her that she should champion a faith-based belief over empathy, knowledge and experience.  lastly, i cried because the woman was a mormon and she represented the unshakable bigotted ignorance of the LDS church and it’s primary involvement in supporting proposition 8.  i rarely cry but this is a sad day.

ps:  please take the time to watch the episode while it’s still available.

confession time!

did you serve an LDS mission? did you break any rules? of course you did! over at MormonMatters.org there’s a discussion going on where returned missionaries are “confessing”. it’s really funny to read other people’s lists of broken rules, sins, and indulgences (it’s funny how many list “drinking cola” since that’s supposed to be so bad). my list is below, if you have comments to add, i’d like to read them here.

(mission area: Brasilia, Brazil 2000-2002)

just off the top of my head:

• listened to unapproved “EFY” music and got interviewed by my mish. pres. for it (yeah, weird, huh.)
• had pictures of a cute pop star (Sandy) under my name tag.
• was seduced by 2 different women who would nurse and not cover up after removing the baby (one told me she was seducing me, the other i may have just been reading into “the body language” a little too much).
• had a buddha statue on my desk for a while- felt weird/dark and took it down when a companion complained.
• waded my feet in water in a river in the jungle (satan could have swept me away but i was lucky)
• had sleepovers with another zl friend and we’d rent 5-6 movies and watch them all in one go. did this 2-3 times.
• semi-porn billboards and posters were everywhere in brazil, and i would “notice them” just a few seconds too long.
• lied to mish pres. about having “clean hands”. he left it unclear, so i just took it literally and said they were clean (with a “duh” look on my face- “c’mon, pres.”)
• played nintendo at a member’s house, watched the news during lunch at the bishop’s house, went to domino’s on sunday with a member who forgot to cook us a meal (i gave her a guilt trip and recommended she take us to the new domino’s that had just opened).
• towards the end of my mission i purchased whatever CD’s i felt like from the mall and listened to them while i went to sleep (it ended up being mostly enya).

and last but not least:

• tricked a greenie brazilian missionary into praying to joseph smith- complete with candles and photographs!

fun times!

midnight prayer

we are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. but we can understand the universe. that makes us something very special. (Stephen Hawking)

tonight i watched into the wild on my ipod. i watched while lying in my bed, before going to sleep. my short 2-3 sentence review is this: thank you, mr. krakauer for letting me vicariously live a fantasy of going into the wild and being one w/ nature. i also learned thru the experience of christopher (the main character in the story), that “happiness is only real when shared” (he wrote these words towards the end of his lonely, soul-searching journey to alaska). there’s got to be a way to be one with the world and continue our relationships around us, too. this is a new goal for me to live by. tonight my wife shared a poem with me that said: “real tragedy is not death, but a life not lived”

where were you 8 years ago?

*​*​*​Eight​ years​ ago ( from today​ )*** April​ 25, 2000

1) How old were you? 19

10 songs- no cheating

well ned challenged his readers to post the next 10 songs that come up at random on you iPod. here go mine:

1. Sleazy (Mr. Timothy Remix)- by Dirty south. Found on DJ Solyn’s album Sunset Deluxe. I like to listen to good House music while i drive, and especially while working out. this is a pretty decent song that came up randomly (out of a thousand House tracks). [4 out of 5 stars].

2. If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time– by R. Kelly. this song was okay like 10 years ago. not so into it now. [3 out of 5 stars].

What was your first cog dis?

what was your first experience with cognitive dissonance, or one of the first times that you realized something didn’t add up in your religious world-view?  for me i have a couple of really early ones (see post here, paragraphs 3 and 4- starting with the words “i think we all of us”- i know great grammar, right).  today i was thinking about the song i mentioned in my previous post by George Hrab called “Heaven Must Be Really Boring” (copy and save link to listen).  this was actually my first cog dis as a little kid.  i thought how boring it was when i absolutely obeyed all of the rules and was super perfect to my friends and family.  i thought how fun it was to be a trouble maker every now and then, doing pranks on people or just joking around and messing with people.  as a kid i didn’t think i could take it being in heaven where jokes must be strictly prohibited (unless you’re telling the latest jokes you heard from your second grader or something off of a laffy taffy wrapper).  “how boring”, i would think to myself.  so that was my first cog dis.  didn’t think the world would be interesting without good and bad, extacy and suffering.  even in the book of mormon it says that those things are necessary to exist together so how could there be a place where everything was sweet, never sour- you never broke a leg or got sick.  how could you savor food after going without for a day?  how could you appreciate the blessing goodness of health and normalcy without going through a few days of having the flu or food poisoning?  after i threw out my back last year for a day i couldn’t wait to just run around- i couldn’t believe the simple things i was taking for granted like being able to sit up and walk!  imagine if that was nothing to me anymore because i could fly anywhere i wanted or even travel by merely thinking of a location (LDS semi-doctrine).  and today i had a brother-in-law call my wife saying he would be so sad if he were a god enjoying his exaltation one day without his sister!   what?  how could you be enjoying your exaltation knowing you had family that was suffering in another place?  that wouldn’t be heaven!  …and all because your sister was a good person, good mother, good wife, good life- but she’s damned b/c she got it wrong when it came to earth’s theology exam?  i don’t believe in that god.  couldn’t imagine him separating people from their loved ones just b/c they couldn’t figure out “the most important message in the world”- that happened to be written in impossible-to-understand parables, and context of the times.  from the reason driven podcast, ep.1 Robert M. Price says:

and so this theoretically inspired book just doesn’t matter as long as it remains ambiguous.  take the part in Corinthians- if the trumpet call is not clear who’s going to come to battle, or who’s going to know what to do?

we’re right to be showing some skepticism towards this gospel that shows a cruel god in the old testament and immoral behavior in the NT.  and what if god, being a scientist himself (he created the elements and the universe, right? that makes him a scientist in my book), would he possibly applaud skeptical thought from an individual over blind faith from the same person?  would he not respect you more if you were honest to yourself and “doubted” than if you just said “shut up, brain” and insisted on believing?

my other cog dis as a kid was when i was 7 (under the age of accountability), not yet baptized and i saw a picture of a woman in a swimsuit.  i realized to myself that i could have sex with a girl if i wanted to (now that i think of it though i probably wouldn’t have been very successful picking up a girl) and it wouldn’t be a sin yet since i wasn’t baptized and didn’t have “the age of accountability” yet.  i realized i could do anything in the world and it would be okay.  i ended up deciding to just be a kid, play some pranks on people, joke around with my friends, maybe even tell some dirty jokes- in the end, i just wanted to have fun.

what was your first cog dis? comment below.

for more stories of first cog dis’s, see here.

i am legend, ice Skating, halo, etc.

last week we played halo 3 with jon and ali. it was fun but for some reason we had an even funner time playing a little jet-fighter game called aegis wing later that night. jan and ali hooked on to my ship and let me control all of us while i dodged dozens of bullets and we all screamed at the near-misses. tons of fun. last night i finally saw i am legend. awesome movie

i love movies like this. just didn’t like the paranormal aspect tacked on in the end (that wasn’t necessary at all). my wife thought, well maybe everyone in the world died b/c god wanted to eliminate the wicked. i thought that that makes perfectly rational sense to wipe out an entire human race using that rational. anyone who accepts the noah-flood story should not have any issue with (like in the movie) god allowing almost 6 billion people to suffer and die or be eaten. yeah, makes perfect sense, in a religious worldview sort of way.

The Story of How I Lost My Faith

The Devolution of my Faith or the Evolution of reason in me

I’ve recently lost my faith in my childhood religion- Mormonism. It still hurts in some ways but is alleviating and invigorating in many more. I’ve posted my story here.

If anyone has any ideas how to restore a faith that’s lost, I’ve offered somewhat of a “challenge” at the end of the post. I’d love to hear what you think.

Here is a short letter I wrote to Steven Novella, host of the Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe:

I just wanted to let you know that your podcast has been extremely enlightening and liberating for me. Learning critical thinking skills from you (I give all of the credit to the 100 podcasts of yours I have listened to, and to Thomas Kida’s short book) has finally liberated me from my childhood religion- Mormonism. It is still hard for me to accept this and I question myself everyday but upon entertaining these thoughts I always come to the same iron-clad conclusion: the only thing acceptable for myself is science and reason (and skepticism)! Skepticism is, after all, only well-done science.

I love science like you can’t imagine (well i’m sure you can, actually). My brother does too- he quickly became an atheist and great skeptic after only months of being introduced to your podcast. To him, you are our current greatest skeptical mind. I’d probably have to agree with him.

Just to let you know, my brother and I both served two-year missions for our church and were highly dedicated to the faith.

I’ve written a post about my slow but sure “exit” from mormonism here:

http://onedudesms.wordpress.com/2007/06/21/last-post-sniff-sniff-tear/ (comment on it if you like!)

The reason I am writing you about this is, like i said earlier, you were “one of the nails in the coffin” for me to lose my faith in faith. Thank you so much!

I appreciate and listen to your podcast every week and little by little I’m chipping away at the hard shells of the people around me. The mind is a tricky thing to convince against it’s own pre-supposed notions. It could be an anthropologist’s dream to see the heatedly stubborn cognitive dissonance exhibited here in Utah, and by my father and some close friends. A psychologist’s dream as well, naturally.

Please keep it up- you are doing an amazing job with the skeptical rougues by your side. I just wrote your brother Jay about how your panel’s personalities compliment each other so well- hearing the wit, science and logical thinking from your podcast each week is better than any TV show on the air. It’d be awesome if the Skeptic’s Guide could get their own show on TV one day- it could change the nation little by little. Like it’s changed me. So thanks again and i’ll write to you again in a couple of weeks with some questions I have for you guys (like is modern man still not completely walking upright- notice how it’s natural for everyone to slouch).

I’ll let you go- thanks again Steve!

markii

A Fun Day of Surfing Human Evolution

I really found some great stuff on the web today. I ended up sharing this stuff to my wife (who seems bored out of her mind about this stuff). Why do I suddenly love science so much? I guess cuz I love the truth. I thought I had it for a while there (in religion) only to one day wake up wide-eyed and longing for something more tangible. Something more trustworthy. Anyways, I was talking with my mom the other day. She knows I study for hours and hours in various books, the internet and podcasts so she asked me what I’ve been studying recently now that I’m mostly done with studying Mormonism.

An Agnostic Worldview

An Agnostic [1] [noun] embraces a worldview in which the existence of deity is unknown or unknowable. Derives from the Greek agnostos, a = without, gnostos = known or knowledge. “Agnostic[ism] [CE] was coined by Professor TH Huxley in 1869 to describe the mental attitude of one who regarded as futile all attempts to know the reality corresponding to our ultimate scientific, philosophic, and religious ideas.” Agnosticism asserts no knowledge of gods and therefore concludes there are no reasons to believe in them or not to believe in them. An agnostic follows this credo and differs from the atheist who has developed an active belief that there are no gods. When it comes to the question of existence of deities, an agnostic will respond: I just don’t know.

In this post I will be including a post on atheism from a blogger named John Remy. Currently I view my self as an Agnostic-Mormon (if that’s even possible). I don’t believe in or against the idea of God. I may have a “hope” in God- almost a belief even, but I have no current belief in any actual religion (although I attend the LDS Church almost regularly). My brief reasons for being agnostic are the following: